Contemporary Western society establishes that marriage and love are synonymous terms — marriage is thought to be a tangible representation of love. In the collection of short stories “Unaccustomed Earth”, Jhumpa Lahiri uses thoughtful explorations of parental and romantic connections to explore the complexities that exist in relationships, love, and marriage in Indian communities, both in the homeland and in those immigrated West. By prodding at the norms that form the basis of various relationships, she suggests that there is no one correct way to exist as someone with a diverse cultural background.
It is essential to understand that parent-child relationships manifest differently based on cultural expectations, stemming from the fact that Western cultures preserve immigrant values without regard for any progress made in the homeland, resulting in the West having more traditional standards compared to the countries people emigrated from. Lahiri describes the turmoil her character, Ruma, faces when confronted with the cultural expectation for her father to move in with her family, “She knew her father did not need taking care of, and yet this very fact caused her to feel guilty; in India, there would have been no question of his not moving in with her,” (Unaccustomed Earth, 11). Despite Ruma growing up with very traditional values from her immigrant parents’ household, she struggles to act in accordance with those expectations. By not immediately accepting her role as her father’s caregiver, Ruma embodies the intersection of Western influences and Indian norms, challenging the expectations Indian society would place on her. However, her hesitance to accept the challenge to Indian culture she is carrying out serves as an example of the Western ideals not fully prevailing. Ruma’s father displays the transformation in his thinking when compared to the way he raised Ruma: “He wanted to shield her from the deterioration that inevitably took place in the course of a marriage, and from the conclusion he sometimes feared was true: that the entire enterprise of having a family, of putting children on this earth, as gratifying as it sometimes felt, was flawed from the start,” (Unaccustomed Earth, 43). His perspective on marriage acts as a marker of the shift in standards, as his acceptance of the flaws of marriage and the systems that promote marriage as a saviour contribute to the strength of difference in cultural attitudes. Because Ruma grew up in an Indian culture that was preserved by her parents, she didn’t get to experience the natural progression of Indian society. However, her father represents the changes in society and what progress looks like in India. He is able to differentiate between the culturally embedded attitudes and what is often true, especially in this situation where they are opposite. Ruma’s father identifies issues with what he taught Ruma and tries to deconstruct these ideals, while Ruma faces guilt over not abiding by these same values. This battle between expectations demonstrates how difficult it is for Indian Americans to balance the progress in Indian culture with the Indian values they were raised on, indicating that regardless of one’s behaviors, they will not act in accordance with all Indian traditions.
It is critical to note that the romantic situations that arise are representative of the divide between the wants and the needs of characters, highlighting how societal values can be used as a boundary, but will ultimately not prevail past genuine desire. The quandary that comes from deciding between following societal values or true passions is even more complex in multi-national individuals as the societal values they know are often in opposition from one another. For instance, Usha’s father’s perspective on Pranab’s relationship with Aparna serves as proof of human need overpowering cultural boundaries: “my father was grateful to Pranab Kaku for the companionship he provided, freed from the sense of responsibility he must have felt for forcing her to leave India, and relieved, perhaps, to see her happy for a change,” (Hell-Heaven, 50). The intricacies of their relationship are implied with this statement, as while it would be expected for a husband to be jealous of a threat to his marriage from a Western perspective, he instead is grateful for the resolution to his duty as a husband, which comes from Indian traditions. The relationship between Aparna and Pranab is also indicative of love transcending boundaries, as there is a mutual love that exists without a defined relationship. Furthermore, the secretism Usha promoted in her relationship with Pranab reveals the truth in attitudes: “It was to me that she confessed, after my own heart was broken by a man I’d hoped to marry,” (Hell-Heaven, 62). It is clear that the role of a husband to provide and satisfy his partner is being forgiven yet being upheld; Aparna’s husband should fulfill his wife, but accepting that he doesn’t while allowing the furthering of a relationship that does provide her the desired contentment demonstrates an underlying respect. By addressing her own experience only after her daughter experienced a similar heartbreak, Aparna promotes the idea of maintaining cultural expectations until they are broken by desire. Usha’s own heartbreak reflects the change in her wants and needs created by dissonance between life experience and what she is taught. Without the push for transparency that comes from Western cultures, Aparna may have isolated her daughter, something that is common in Indian families. By recognizing the importance of her daughter learning from her own mistakes, Aparna’s hatred for seeing her daughter hurt created a positive impact, despite not aligning with Western and Eastern values. This exploration of how cultural norms often interfere with independent thought highlights the importance of acknowledging value differences in the context of one’s own experience.
In essence, Jhumpa Lahiri’s use of character relationships helps emphasize the separate yet interdependent nature of marriage, love, and relationships, suggesting that the typical comparisons between Western and Eastern cultures are far less comprehensive than expected. By addressing both parental and romantic relationships, Lahiri expands on the multifaceted experience of relationships, especially when coming from diverse ethnic backgrounds. The complexity of the parental relationship explored between Ruma and her father is something I relate to, as my mom expects me to take care of her, influenced by her Pakistani background. However, by growing up in close connections with my Pakistani family, my mindsets tend to be similar to those of my younger cousins who are growing up in Pakistan compared to the culture my mom has preserved when she immigrated to the United States. This book did an excellent job of illustrating the variety in perspectives that come from cultural diffusion and played an essential role in introducing the audience to some of the struggles that immigrant families experience daily. By presenting the cultural dissonance that occurs for a second-generation individual, Lahiri helps to cultivate empathy and understanding, helping to bridge the gap between generations of immigrants. Lahiri’s collection of short stories illuminates the South Asian experience for all readers while helping explain many of the inconsistencies we experience, raising kids as immigrants or growing up as children of immigrants.
Visual Credit: Mushtaq Hussain
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